漫画介绍：四叶妹妹 ( Yotsuba&! )

过去的这两年我渐渐的越来越喜欢看漫画，以前总是会觉得动画明明就比漫画好啊，又不用动手指，不必花费脑经去读那些字，静静坐着就可以享受了。我也不清楚是因为现在越来越没有时间了所以才选择这些比较容易接触的介质。毕竟在公司里，在车上，在逛街，或是在厕所上，看漫画的实用度很明显超越了看动漫！这也不是唯一一个理由哦，我是真的蛮享受阅读的。在我开始了漫画的旅程，我也渐渐的开始喜欢上另外同一种阅读的乐趣，那就是小说了。 小说那一段我就以后再说吧！我是有几个蛮不错的推荐哈哈

想想我最近印象最深刻又最喜欢的一定是四叶妹妹（Yotsuba&!) 华文的翻译我不是很清楚，上网检查了一下应该是四叶妹妹吧。。四叶妹妹是个很温馨又搞笑的一部作品，尤其是温馨那一部分。每一次读完了一章，心里都会莫名其妙地感到特别暖。它是讲诉着一名可爱的小女孩跟她的爸爸刚刚搬来了城市和他们在城市里将会遇到的事物。虽然这算是个生活的片段的一部作品但是你会发觉到故事是又跟着他们一家人围绕然后会连接到下一个故事。

 我们的主角是个神秘，有个性，可爱又善良的小女孩。这种性格怎么能不喜欢呢，对吧？她的爸爸对她很有耐心且不会太宠，正可以给她成长的环境。另外的角色还有他们的邻居和他爸爸的朋友们，故事就环绕着他们走。一路上我们的主角会慢慢地学习和叛逆，当然这就是小孩子会有的性格。这漫画的魅力就是这小女孩怎么去用他自己的方式去解决和理解他们生活上发生的事。

希望你们也有会爱上这个漫画！

另外在配个在网上偷来的照片~

Pattern

I'm beginning to see a pattern here on my blog. I MIGHT have become lazy and started posting once a year. I'm sorry viewers. I know you guys want to see more of my awesome adventures. Thus you shall have, and hopefully, I stay here for more than a day a year HAHA.

So what's been going on with me? I just started working like 2 months ago as a matter a fact, I'm at work right now! Heh. I'm working in a sort of start-up company, I mean it started its start-up at like 2-3 years ago but it is still a start-up, right? I'm here as a software engineer and just supporting the main IT guy here. I don't hate my job, I'm actually enjoying myself right now. I used to think that I loved computer science and I wanted everything to do with IT when I grow up. Note, that was like a few years ago, I would say that it's around 2010 when I was about to finish my high school. I guess your thoughts just start to wander and you start losing interest and passion in things that you thought you loved. Okay not trying to side-track here. So I'm at work now and like I'm still learning what to do and what not. I can't say that I'm busy as hell but there are busy and non-busy days. Today is one of those non-busy days. Let's talk about something else.

Have you guys heard of Maplestory or played it before in your childhood days? For me, I wouldn't say it was a huge part of my childhood as I couldn't play it after the popularity has gone down due to not having a computer at home. However, I've still managed to find myself enjoying the game around 2008, that was when I first started playing it. I remember being level 20+ for the longest amount of time and just hitting pigs or octopuses for hours on end just to get to level 21 and start kerning city party quest. It was time-consuming but also the best time of my life. Well, I think I won't go into reminiscing and remembering old Maplestory since there are literally thousands of posts and videos that talk about how good old MS was. What I want to talk about is that I'm still playing that game after like 10 years plus and you bet I'm still enjoying it a whole lot. What are you guys' thoughts on grown men gaming even after they start working or like after 30+? I'm just curious but it's not like I'll change my ways after so many years 😂

I'll TRY to update the blog as much as I can okay. I feel a lot better now after a year and I think I'm really ready to let it all go. Maybe I'll share about this story in the future as well. See you guys in a bit!

Quotes and Advices

Hey guys.

I know that it's been a heck of a long time and I probably only have around one reader on my blog but that doesn't really change anything. I originally made this blog as a diary of sorts and to kind of remind myself of what happened throughout the years I kinda made a decision to merge both my super old blog all the way from 2009 to this one because I just guess I don't really feel the need to hide anything anymore.

I want to think that I've matured somewhat during these years. I have seen a lot of quotes/stories/lessons from people other than myself on social media and real life. Sometimes, I look at these quotes and think to myself, is that really the case? "Life is too short to hide your feelings, don't be afraid to say what you feel" or things similar to that. I'm not particularly picking this quote, I've come across many many different ones and this just so happens to be on my Facebook feed today and I felt like writing about it. Don't get me wrong, I think that these quotes are really positive and it helps a lot of people (Like my past self) to get through things in life. Empowering quotes these days are like candies given out on a daily basis. You get some good candy and sometimes there are those candies that are just god awful (A small amount of them) and just like quotes or I guess advice in general. They can be good or bad, However, when you're given the advice to listen to, my father always told me to listen to advice that people may have for you, it may not be the thing that you do, but at least it gives you something to think about.

I see quotes like, "If you love her, let her go, if she's yours she'll come back to you" and "If you don't stay until the last for that person, it just means that you don't love him/her enough" (In Chinese). Then I look back and think about a lot of things. For example, if you know that you're a horrible human being like I know I am, would you want to force yourself to stay beside someone until someday (maybe never) you get rid of all of your bad habits? Or would you choose to leave that person so that you don't continue to bring sorrow to them anymore? I don't think anyone really knows the answer to that question. But if you ask if I regret letting her go? I'd think for a bit and then tell you no. To be honest, of course, I do regret letting her go, but if you ask if I'd do it all over again, yes; yes I would. I did something that I cannot forgive myself for and probably that would be the thing that I'd regret, being who I am.

Okay, enough about me. Back to my original topic, I think that quotes like the ones that I have mentioned contain a little too much bullshit in them. Not really bullshit but I just think that people really shouldn't rely on them too much and just live your life how you want to. You don't want to hide your feelings, don't do it. You want to hide your feelings, hide it. You want to break up with someone? Do it. You want to be with someone, tell them. Now I know that  I'm kind of contradicting myself here but what I want to relay across is that we're human beings with the capability to think for ourselves. So besides doing what you want to do, the consequences and results are all to be expected and you should be thinking about them. You don't have to trust and rely on quotes from a random person to have your own thoughts. Continue to think about it endlessly and hopefully before you die someday, you'll discover the answer to your questions. If you don't however, it's okay.

Thanks for reading! (Not sure why you would)

Recently

Hey, I've noticed it's been quite a long time since I last updated. Things have been going pretty rough lately. Last semester, I failed all my subjects, this semester I failed to register to 2 of the classes and it looks like I might fail the following one. I'm starting to think that my mental health and my physical health is deteriorating very quickly, sometimes I just think about suicide. I wake up most days thinking about what crappy life I've been having and realizing that I have to go through it no matter what. I know that I'm wasting my parent's money and I am really embarrassed of myself. I feel almost like a disgrace to my family and to all my friends. I'd want to find a hole to dig into and just stay in there forever until I rot. 
Knowing that I have to study longer than usual puts me off at a very weird and discouraging vibe. I've talked to my significant other about this matter and she just kinda compares me to her brother where they were graduating later than other people too. The thing that I've always been doing these few months is to think positively, but this feeling of uncertainty and regret just flows out uncontrollably every now and then. I really don't know who to talk to and who I can share my stuff with. I'd write in my diary but I kind of left it back home and honestly, I'd rather type it than write it out.
Sometimes I think about going to the counseling center that my university offers but I always back out in asking for help. I'm not the kind to actively search out for help and I know that myself. 

These two semesters I have been working in my university so I guess i have that going for me that I'm not just sitting in my room rotting away just gawking at my life. I know that studying comes first and work comes second. Perhaps I should really reduce the hours that I work for a considerable amount, maybe then I'll be more focused and concentrated in my studies. 
The friends that I've made in the university are mostly gone. I don't know what has happened between us, but somehow I've been neglected and kinda thrown outside of the group. Don't fret though, I don't really care about friends like that because they are full on hypocrites. They only come to me when they need something, not to chill or talk or do something fun, so, all's good. I'm just sad that I lost an opportunity to make more friends. Sometimes, I go about not talking or interacting to anyone for a whole day or more. I wonder, if that is affecting my personality to lean towards an introvert. Well, I'm already an introvert to start with so that doesn't really make any sense, I guess if it does, it would just amplify my introverted personality. 

Life here has been rough. I wish I could turn back time, to the good old days. I'm out. 

时间

这两天去了大学举办的一个营，在山上的时候跟不少的朋友认识了，也建立了不少的记忆。刚钢三个小时前才回到家，需要搞好一些事情然后现在有了几个小时，当我开面书划过的时候看到了一些熟悉的面孔。看到很多我很多年都没有联络的朋友，他们的面孔都完全变了，不像是我曾经认识的ta们。又让我想起，以后还有机会再见面吗? 可能见面的时候已经不知都要说什么了。可能人生就是如此吧，就如天下没有不散的筵席。不知不觉在听着周杰伦的“夜曲”觉得很感触。好啦，不可以再说这些了。

前两天刚刚把这个学期的课读完了，但是过两个星期就要开始秋季的学期了。虽然我是蛮期待接下来的学期啦，但是给我多一点时间休息嘛 >< 看来我要开始追动漫了，动漫还是唯一一个我不会厌倦的爱好，希望我以后当人爸爸的时候我还是喜欢看动漫吧。哈哈哈，机率很低呢！

好了，今天就到这了。 :)

Rant: On the Receiving End

I've been wanting to write a blog for the past few months but always forgot to do so. So here goes. It's going to be almost a year since I've come here in the States and to be honest, I have some urge of coming back to Malaysia. Every time I see my friends having fun and I'm not there to join them just makes me sad and question myself, "Why am I not there."? Every time they ask me when am I coming back? -  my answer to them is I don't know. I might have to stay here longer than I originally thought it would be but I never regretted my decision to be here in the first place. I'm lucky and blessed that my family is able to support me and sponsor me to study in a university, let alone coming to the states. It just makes me frustrated that I can't join  my friends for all the activities that they're having and to know that that might be the last time that we will be able to gather as a whole group really saddens me because once we enter our adulthood, I can be certain that it will be a lot harder to gather up. The second part is that I know that you are sad that I'm not able to be by your side when you need me but it's almost worse for me, to be here in my room without anyone to talk to. The best thing I can do is to sleep and forget about it. It's tough for me but I have to be as though I'm fine with it and that it's all good for me. Another thing is I hate that you're using the word "duh" sometimes. Why do you think I ask some things? I like to confirm things with people and sometimes it's just plain because I don't know the answer to my question. Damn it. Fuck myself.

Now that that's out of my mind, a few more days and I'll have to move to another apartment and I have not thought of who can help me to move. I am in other words - screwed. Well I'm sure I'll figure something out.

I'm tired. That's all for today. Hope I can remember to post another one next week or so haha.

新朋友

上个月本来想发个新文章，但是时间一天一天地过了，我也慢慢的忘了要写一些东西。所以现在补回一些~
这几天，忽然间认识了三个马来西亚的华人。很庆幸可以在这里也有朋友可以一起谈天。不可以否认，我是有点牵挂在马来西亚和朋友一起相聚的日子。在马来西亚，我应该不会去这种地方吧，但是在这里没有mamak。想要找个地方坐下来喝茶都不能，就只好来到了星巴克。这里的店面很早就收档了，所以很难找夜生活。现在是晚上十点，我在这里跟两个朋友喝茶。
我这几个朋友都很有个性，有种感觉我应该会被他们拉走。我是个没什么个性的人， 大多数的东西都很随便。只要我可以做的事情我都会做吧。我来到美国的其中一个原因是因为我要有我只记得一个个性，不要被其他朋友的意见香水一样被冲走。一直我都很困扰，到底我这种随便的个性可以在这个社会里生存吗?  好了。这些事就说到这里。

现在要说我最近在看的动漫，就是 獣の奏者 (Kemono No Souja Erin)

这个动漫很动人，看了过后我的心情会很平静，还会有点忧伤的感觉。这个故事讲诉着人与兽的故事，一个小女孩如何在没有人都能够驯服的魔兽，用自己的心和努力把它们的心融化了。（9/10）

还有另一个刚刚看完的运动动漫， 鑽石王牌 (Diamond no Ace)

这个是棒球的动漫，是我第一次看棒球的动漫，感觉很不错。以为我会不喜欢但是看看下，觉得蛮好看的。虽然有很多棒球的规则都不懂，可是还可以享受。我打的分数大概是（7.5/10） 吧。

有看新的动漫再发新文章吧！

那些年的歌

现在是凌晨两点，他们说在晚上到半夜的这一段时间其实是我们人最容易感触的时候；所以这段时间就是可以跟你的朋友们谈心声的最佳时刻。但是我没什么可以聊心声的朋友，可能有但是都没有去接触吧。说到朋友，在我小学和中学时代有很多很要好的朋友。小学的朋友都应该是完全断了关系吧，中学的朋友到现在比较要好，但是可以感觉到，多五年，多十年，就会失去很多朋友的联络吧。有点后悔没有多努力点去坚持我们的关系，尤其是这段时间当我不在马来西亚，不知道当我回去的时候还有机会吗？

为什么我会突然时间谈到朋友，和我们以前的时候呢? 一半的理由其实是因为我看了一些很感动的动漫，一般是因为我突然间很想听以前10年前的歌。虽说是10年前好像有点久，但是其实就是2006而已，那年的我应该是11岁吧。11岁好像很小，但是我现在看会过去，其实我已经在听着很多歌。我是个很喜欢唱歌的人，很喜欢给别人一个印象 ，“嘿!我唱歌蛮好听哦！”。呵呵，那只是我自己认为而已啦，我知道我没有很厉害，但是我知道自己不属于五音不全的人！

还记得当年我们都在蓝牙的时代，当我们听到朋友的手机里有很好听的歌，一定要在那时问他们拿因为不是每天我们都能看到对方拿着手机。

还记得我第一次到KTV唱歌是多么开心的事，一开始很害羞不知道应不应该唱呢？很怕会丢脸，会被同学们笑，但是当我看到没有人唱，我好像开始唱了（不是很记得）。现在的我，还是会在KTV点一些很老很老的歌，我对我认识这些老歌的评价是很好哈哈，毕竟我觉得老歌比较有味道。歌手包括任贤齐，张学友，萧敬腾，周华健，张雨生，Beyond之类的。呵呵，我很老吧。

还记得我四年级到六年级参加了唱歌的社团（不知道它真正的名字叫什么），在哪里认识了很多朋友，可以唱歌。

还记得我小学最开心，最深刻的记忆就是当我们六年级的时候，表演带动唱的时候！到现在我有时候都会去听我们的歌，Tank 的《街头霸王》。还蛮喜欢这首歌的，我觉得原因是因为我们当时一天听了几十次吧。（很难不喜欢哈哈）

还记得当年暗恋的人，暗恋了一年多，毕业了还是没办法告诉她。到现在她都应该永远不会知道吧，就让它成为我小学的苦甜回忆吧。

还有很多很美好的回忆，很多人都说很想在度过小学，中学时代。对我来说已经足够了，曾经有过的回忆，就让它成为回忆吧。很开心我有过一个很美好的童年。

好了，今天就到此为止了。好像还有很多要说的但是留给下一次吧。