Rant: On the Receiving End

I've been wanting to write a blog for the past few months but always forgot to do so. So here goes. It's going to be almost a year since I've come here in the States and to be honest, I have some urge of coming back to Malaysia. Every time I see my friends having fun and I'm not there to join them just makes me sad and question myself, "Why am I not there."? Every time they ask me when am I coming back? -  my answer to them is I don't know. I might have to stay here longer than I originally thought it would be but I never regretted my decision to be here in the first place. I'm lucky and blessed that my family is able to support me and sponsor me to study in a university, let alone coming to the states. It just makes me frustrated that I can't join  my friends for all the activities that they're having and to know that that might be the last time that we will be able to gather as a whole group really saddens me because once we enter our adulthood, I can be certain that it will be a lot harder to gather up. The second part is that I know that you are sad that I'm not able to be by your side when you need me but it's almost worse for me, to be here in my room without anyone to talk to. The best thing I can do is to sleep and forget about it. It's tough for me but I have to be as though I'm fine with it and that it's all good for me. Another thing is I hate that you're using the word "duh" sometimes. Why do you think I ask some things? I like to confirm things with people and sometimes it's just plain because I don't know the answer to my question. Damn it. Fuck myself.

Now that that's out of my mind, a few more days and I'll have to move to another apartment and I have not thought of who can help me to move. I am in other words - screwed. Well I'm sure I'll figure something out.

I'm tired. That's all for today. Hope I can remember to post another one next week or so haha.